Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or depressed at work? Anxious from simply opening your laptop, or fatigued when responding to an email? When we are feeling burned out, we can write inaccurate narratives about how much control we have over work behaviors. In the new remote environment, many are quickly seeing the effects of burnout, and the impact can be felt long after 5 PM. Maintaining a healthy mental wellbeing is a critical aspect of sustaining our families, workplaces, and communities, and mitigating burnout is necessary to support your mental health.

As I coach, I help Clients to prioritize implementing change where they have control right now. Here are eight ways that may help mitigate the effects of workplace burnout.

Exercise Mindfulness
Being aware and consciously considering your own thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities can help you to take stock of your mental health. Think about how you are feeling internally at this moment, and what may be causing those feelings. Practicing mindfulness can help you to identify feeling frustrated and overwhelmed before you reach a breaking point—allowing you to cope with workplace challenges with a clear mind. I often have to stop clients from thinking about all tasks thru Q4, so make sure to slow down and take things as they come.

Prioritize Self Care
When we are facing mental health challenges, it can be easy to push our own needs and wants to the side. However, making time for ourselves is essential to our overall well-being. To avoid burnout, make sure to set aside time during lunch or after work for yourself and your needs, like reading a good book, practicing yoga, or trying a new recipe for lunch.

Get Quality Sleep
We all know the benefits of a good night’s sleep, but life oftentimes gets in the way of that becoming a reality. When you’re experiencing burnout, fatigue may also be at an all-time high, leading to a need for more sleep, but changes to your sleep habits can be hard. Setting (and adhering to) designated bedtimes and putting devices away early can help you regain some of your energy. Sticking to a bedtime schedule can help you feel more grounded in your routine.

Cut Back on Meetings
While meetings can be very helpful, meetings where people feel unheard, unnecessary, or unseen can be major sources of burnout and frustration. Focusing on strategies to run more productive and inclusive meetings can help to cut back on unnecessary touch bases, improve team morale, and generate more positive results. Deciding if a meeting is necessary to host or join and creating an agenda can dramatically cut down on negative associations.

Set Expectations
Especially in new remote environments, it’s easy to end up grinding away well past normal working hours. A major contributor to burnout is the lack of separation between work and home. However, there is a lot you can do to protect your time (and peace) outside of 9 to 5, for example…

Let your team know that you will be offline for specific time periods. Make sure to communicate these desires to your manager in order to level-set expectations and foster a relationship of honesty and trust. Don’t forget to be realistic—completion can be a great job even when it’s not perfect. Set realistic and feasible expectations about your own performance.

Get Outside!
It may sound cliché but getting outside is a great way to improve your mental and physical health. Taking a brisk walk or jog each day can help to alleviate built-up stress, provide a (literal) breath of fresh air, and give your body a chance to relax from the hunched-over desk position many of us linger in all day long.

Identify Stressful Tasks
Resentment is usually a sign we don’t want to do something. Everyone has certain tasks that make them groan, but self-awareness is key in identifying the reason. Why such frustration? What is triggering the emotion behind the task? When we procrastinate the stressful tasks, we make things worse for ourselves. Try tackling the hardest tasks when you are most alert and have the most energy. It’s a great way to increase your likelihood for success and ultimately your confidence in getting the work done.

Lean on Others
Burnout can be extremely isolating, and it can be easy to fall into depressive patterns and withdraw. Being transparent and sharing your frustrations and experiences is one of the most powerful ways to talk about burnout in the team. Hearing that others may be feeling the same, whether they be friends, family, or teammates, can be very helpful, and lends itself to good conversation around solutions.


At Matterkind, we are dedicated to supporting employee mental health and prioritizing emotional well-being. We strive to create a safe environment that encourages everyone to be open and to ask for help when needed. We recognize how vital it is that we help facilitate burnout conversations and raise awareness of the importance of good mental health. If you find yourself struggling, reaching out to a coach can be a good way to handle your frustrations. Coaches help clients identify strengths and strategies to change work behaviors and reduce burnout.

Share different ways that you prevent burnout with us on Twitter to continue the conversation.

For many, Pride Month is seen as a time of parties, rainbows, parades, and other celebrations—but its origins are far from festive. In 1969, police raided a gay club in New York City, the Stonewall Inn, setting off a series of protests and violent conflict that would become a major spark for the Gay Liberation Movement in the United States. Pride Month is a recognition of the resilience and impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, and other LGBTQIA+ individuals have had on progressing acceptance, visibility, and rights for their communities. Uplifting and recognizing LGBTQIA+ coworkers, friends, and family is not just a symbol of progress, but also an acknowledgment of all the work that’s been done on behalf of our community leaders and members alike. Not only that, but it’s a symbol of the continuity of our work, and acknowledgement of the work that still needs to be done. While we have come far in the fight for equal rights and acceptance, there will always be work to do as society shifts.

While coming out is often portrayed as a singular experience, in reality, that isn’t exactly how it always goes, or was for me. Being queer has meant for me that I am constantly coming out, at various points, throughout my life—when growing up, chatting with new coworkers or friends, and sometimes even to total strangers. It can be uncomfortable at times, depending on where you are or who you’re speaking to, and there is always the risk of hostile reaction or uncomfortable silence, or the relief and genuine joy in acceptance and support. In past situations, communities, organizations, and workplaces, I’ve been met with acceptance, indifference, surprise and/or discomfort, and don’t often know which one to expect walking in. In workplaces, this could mean I feel supported and welcome, or feel unsupported or unwelcome, even in supposedly open-minded environments. Being gay is not a political statement, it is part of who I am. And that means that in my daily lived experience, there are always moments of pride and moments where I realize there is still work to be done.

I also recognize that I operate in a position of great privilege compared to some members of the LGBTQIA+ community, being a cis-gender, white man who grew up and lives in the Bay Area, a historically queer-friendly place. I was lucky to grow up with an accepting family and community, something not all queer people have the privilege of. It is wonderful to have allies for the LGBTQIA+ community, but Pride is also a time to ensure space is held not just for the more privileged members, but the most underprivileged above all—it is still a form of protest to be queer, and there is work to be done to make sure all members of our community feel represented in society and under the law. Even in our joyful moments at Pride celebrations and supporting LGBTQIA+ artists, leaders, musicians, and celebrities, we must remember the hardships and discrimination many members of the LGBTQIA+ community still face. It is also an opportunity for employees to consider and advance their workplaces to create space for their LGBTQIA+ coworkers.

At Kinesso, along with its subsidiary Matterkind, they understand that space needs to be made. Nobody bats an eye when I mention my partner, and I don’t even need to state it to be understood. The inclusion efforts goes beyond just verbal affirmations, and many LGBTQ+ employees hold prominent and visible roles. As the Social Media Producer, I’m able to have a real say in the Matterkind voice in public forums, which allows me to offer more sensitivity and awareness around certain topics. By working directly with the IMPACT DEI group, I’m able to have a hands-on approach with DEI content, and amplify voices across the company. It also means I have an understanding of the need to amplify other voices too, not just LGBTQIA+ individuals like myself, but the wide plethora of diverse, intersectional voices that make me proud to work at Kinesso and amplify our community.

Matterkind doesn’t just talk the talk, either—earlier this year, our parent company, IPG, was ranked as one of the Human Right’s Campaign’s (HRC) Best Places to Work for LGBTQ+ Equality 2022, and remains in the top category of the HRC corporate equality index. Additionally, as part of the 2021 Great Place to Work® Trust Index© Survey, over 98% of employee respondents agreed that employees here are treated fairly, regardless of their sexual orientation. Here, I’m able to be part of fostering an environment of care, compassion, and confidence for all employees, at all levels, regardless of their backgrounds.

I’ve never worked at a company so welcoming of all differences. Matterkind strives to make everyone feel welcome and embraces all backgrounds to the fullest.

If you’re looking to join a company that puts its people first, visit our careers page at https://kinesso.com/careers/.

Your brand might be thinking about internalizing some aspects of media management for a variety of reasons. Maybe you want to take more control of your customer data? Or perhaps you want more transparency into media activation? And there’s a good chance you also want to reduce costs.

These are all valid goals, and your agency partners should be there to support you in achieving them. Whatever portion of your operation you want to internalize, there will always be a role for agencies to play in supporting you with complementary services, technologies and teams, as well as offsetting any pain points you encounter along the way. You can learn more about how this hybrid approach to media operations might work in our recent post.

When brands set off along the path to internal media management, most of them quickly encounter operational obstacles, and almost all discover the investment in capital and resources is far greater than they expect. From hiring teams to integrating systems, internalizing media is a big undertaking. Timelines are inevitably pushed out and budgets have to increase.

For these reasons it’s vital to level set expectations before you begin the journey of internalizing media management. And we’re here to assist you with that.

Matterkind’s Advisory Services team is well positioned to work with brands that are considering internalizing media management. We can help you understand what you really want to achieve, what is possible and what it will take to get there. We take a holistic approach to evaluate where you are currently and where the gaps are, so we can recommend a path forward. This helps you to be realistic about resource, time, and budget requirements, and prevents your brand biting off more than it can chew.

Level setting expectations is a two-part process:

Stage 1: Getting everyone on the same page

The first, and arguably most important step in setting expectations is making sure everyone across the organization agrees on what they want to achieve.

Most brands with the resources to consider internalizing media will be large organizations with many different lines of business, each with its own operating principles. It’s likely each team will work to its own KPIs, whether that’s pushing brand metrics, generating leads, or driving sales, so creating a single in-house team to support all of these is challenging to say the least.

Resolving internal conflict is a key part of this initial phase. There are likely to be some teams or individuals that are committed to the idea of internalizing media, while others aren’t convinced of the benefits. Some may doubt the brand’s capacity to support the shift from a financial or operational viewpoint. It’s very rare to find a brand where every team is in total agreement on how they want to manage media internally.

To make sure everyone is on the same page at this critical, early stage, Matterkind performs an audit known as the Maturity Canvas. This combines stakeholder interviews and in-depth questionnaires across multiple functions to find out what different teams are looking for. From the results of this audit we’ll put together a mission statement, around which everyone can be mobilized. This mission statement is continually refined until your entire organization is in agreement about what it is working towards.

Stage 2: Auditing the tech and the team

Once the entire organization is aligned around a mission statement, the next phase is to explore what advertising and marketing technology the brand already has internally and determine what else is needed to support the plan.

In addition to looking at which platforms are present, this also means determining whether systems are already integrated or whether they are managed in silos. It includes checking whether the brand has relationships with multiple inventory suppliers with different specialties. It involves looking at how business intelligence is managed, how data flows across the brand’s systems, who has access to that data, and how it is being modeled. And it means finding out whether the brand has capabilities around optimization, consent management, brand safety, verification, and audience value analysis, to name but a few.

This evaluation is designed to reveal any gaps in your brand’s tech stack, determine what additional tools or platforms are needed, and explore how best to deploy them.

Alongside the technology audit, we can also help brands with a people assessment to understand whether they have internal talent capable of carrying out their media management plans. If so, we can help integrate these teams and ensure they are rowing in the same direction, rather than competing against one another to meet the goals of different marketing departments.

If internal talent does not exist we can help brands determine what an operating structure might look like, and the new roles they might need. This could include ad ops and campaign managers and strategists, as well as data scientists and analysts.

Hiring the team required to internalize media management can have a big impact on the organization, which isn’t always obvious at the outset. We can support by creating job descriptions and helping with the recruitment process. We can also deliver custom training and seminars, both for new and existing team members.

Working towards a hybrid approach

The two stages outlined above are vital to help you understand what internalizing media management really means to your brand and what is involved in achieving it. It also reveals ‘in-housing’ is not an all-or-nothing proposition.

With a better understanding of what they want, the vast majority of brands opt for a hybrid approach to media management rather than trying to build an entire internal operation. The ideal model varies greatly depending on your brand’s goals, resources and capabilities. But overall the hybrid approach enables you to focus on the things that really matter to you, while still enjoying complementary support from your agency partners in the form of managed services, technology platforms and experienced people.

By level-setting expectations, we can make internal media management work to meet your brand’s goals, while still maintaining valuable agency-client relationships.

Recognizing the value that employees bring to Matterkind extends beyond saying “thank you.” The talent our employees bring every day is what allows Matterkind to be a thriving, diverse global community. Every month, Matterkind spotlights individuals from across the globe who have gone above and beyond. These employees are known as our Ascenders of the Month, and you can learn a little more about them below.

Jack Bewlay
Associate Director of Addressable Activation
As the Associate Director of Addressable Activation, Jack spends his time working on planning and execution. His favorite thing about working at Matterkind is the people he gets to interact with every day. Jack’s coworkers said they would describe him as “stoic,” his favorite board game is either Monopoly or Risk, and his favorite card game is Spades. Jack is also a US Marine Corps veteran, and in honor of Military Appreciation Month last month, we’d like to thank him for his service!

Alejandra Ignorosa
Director of Addressable Strategy
Alejandra is the Director of Addressable Strategy at Matterkind and focuses on leading addressable strategies and campaigns operations for UM and Thrive clients. Her favorite thing about working at Matterkind is having the opportunity to propose, explore, and attempt new challenges, as well as the chance to help her team to grow and learn from mistakes. Alejandra’s favorite season is autumn because she loves the colors of the trees, the weather, and hearing the crunch of crisp leaves under her feet! Her coworkers would describe her as “always willing to help.”

Sonia Joseph
Senior Manager of Addressable Strategy
Much like Jack, Sonia says her favorite thing about working at Matterkind is the people. As the Senior Manager of Addressable Strategy, her coworkers would describe her as “the Matterkind Wikipedia,” and always readily available to answer questions about the organization. When asked to describe her team in three words, she said they are cute, caring, and helpful!

Lara Sánchez Orusco
Campaign Manager & Process Manager
As the Campaign & Process Manager, Lara Sánchez Orusco leads up the J3 team. She loves working here because both the J3 team and the Matterkind team bring, “knowledge, empathy, and are always happy to provide help.” Her coworkers would describe her as resolute, and she always tries to provide solutions to the problems she may encounter. One thing she keeps on her desk are plastic dinosaurs—she has many that she uses to play with when she needs to concentrate!

Here at Matterkind, we believe in the strength of every employee, and the initiative of every team. We are much more than the sum of our parts, and our culture is built on lifting each other up, caring for our communities, and making a positive impact. Interested in joining our collaborative environment? Check out our open positions now.

Trust is key in building a great workplace for all, so at Matterkind, we focus on fostering an environment of care, compassion, and confidence that led to our certification as a Certified™ by Great Place to Work®. More than 86% of survey respondents reported that Matterkind is a great place to work, compared to 57% of employees at a typical U.S.-based company, and we are committed to increasing that every day. Get to know more about what makes Matterkind a Great Place to Work® from our employees across the country.

Joshua Rundle, Director, Addressable Activation and Strategy

I really like the hyper-conscious work-life balance, particularly during the pandemic. There is always a reminder from all levels of leadership to take breaks, and there is a focus on impact rather than hours worked. The “Kind Days” are a huge reflection of this, as they really force people to relax.

Megan Ma, Associate in Addressable Activation

The two main things I love about Matterkind are the work-life balance and the inclusivity!

Liam Toman, Associate, Addressable Activation
I really appreciate the culture of open communication, which is conducive to the needs of continued learning, i.e., feeling safe asking questions.

Aaron Nahas, Director, Addressable Media
Matterkind continues to be a center of knowledge in the addressable media space. Even with all the frequent changes in our industry, Matterkind continues to leverage its resources and networks to make sure the teams have a finger on the pulse of the media industry and make the best plans for how to navigate their client’s brand to new heights.

Laura Gonzalez, Director of Addressable Strategy
The Matterkind Strategy and Activation teams are some of the hungriest to learn people I’ve worked with, and yet everyone is very willing to lend a helping hand regardless of seniority.

According to Great Place to Work® research, job seekers are 4.5 times more likely to find a great boss at a Certified™ Great Place to Work®. Additionally, employees at Certified workplaces are 93% more likely to look forward to coming to work, and are twice as likely to be paid fairly, earn a fair share of the company’s profits, and have a fair chance at promotion.

Looking to grow your career at a company that puts its people first? Visit our careers page at https://kinesso.com/careers/.

When it comes to celebrating the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women around the world, we can all agree that our focus should extend far beyond Women’s History Month in March.

At Matterkind, gender parity is an important pillar in the way we lead, run, and build our organization. We have made great strides, but we still have important steps to take. To continue our conversations around growth and empowerment, we connected with some of our strong female leaders in the Asia-Pacific region to learn about their experiences. Listen firsthand as Micaela, Rashmi, and Lani share the key moments in their journeys where bias has been a challenge, and how they have overcome it.

Micaela Soyza | Head of Matterkind Malaysia

On shifting the onus: “I think the question shouldn’t just be for the women…there also should be an onus on the organizations as well as people in leadership positions to bring about the change, to break this bias.”

Rashmi Balakrishnan | General Manager, Kinesso Malaysia

On handling bias: “[Early on in my career], I was the only female developer [on my team], and I was assigned the typical task of taking meeting minutes in every meeting. The responsibility for office house-jobs should be equally shared in a round robin manner.” – Rashmi

Lani Jamieson | Head of Client Solutions Matterkind APAC

On the responsibility of leaders: “If you stay quiet, you’re reinforcing that the behavior is okay.” – Lani

Breaking the bias in our communities starts small, and the work that needs to be done isn’t easy. It involves making space for the voices of marginalized groups, taking active steps to shrink the equity gap, and uplifting female leaders so they can succeed. Matterkind is ready to embrace these challenges, as we look forward into 2022 and beyond.

At Matterkind, we recognize the value of our employees and the talent they bring every day. Without the strength of our teams, we would not be able to grow into the thriving, diverse community we have established here today.

Every month, Matterkind spotlights individuals from across the globe who have gone above and beyond. These employees are known as our Ascenders of the Month, and you can learn a little more about them below.

Pablo Abreu, Director of Addressable Strategy & Activation
Pablo Abreu is the Director of Addressable Strategy & Activation at Matterkind, working on various accounts. Pablo loves “how bright and resourceful everyone is,” and the true sense of community at Matterkind. “I appreciate how we all support one another in so many different ways, everyone has so much to offer, and I find myself constantly learning.” Pablo thinks his coworkers would describe him as “thoughtful,” and if he could have any superpower, he would want the ability to heal others.

László Farkas, Head Of Technology for DE
As the Head of Technology for DE, László is responsible for the development and the maintenance of the in-house tech stack. He focuses on delivering quality, data-driven insights to his colleagues across teams. László constantly feels amazed by the thriving work culture displayed at Matterkind, and the different paths you can choose within the organization to develop a greater sense of ownership. He thinks that his coworkers would describe him as “detailed,” and if he had to describe his team in three words, he would say that they are, “such great people!”

Johanna Lavini, Managing Director
Johanna Lavini is the Managing Director of the Peruvian Market, and is just shy of celebrating one year at Matterkind! Above all, Johanna really loves the diversity here at Matterkind, as well as the shared knowledge around technology and data. When asked to describe herself in one word, Johanna thinks that “leader” describes her best, and that her coworkers would agree. She describes her team as “intrepid, enthusiastic, and curious.”

Akshat Singh, Programmatic Manager
Akshat Singh is the Programmatic Manager and has been at Matterkind for two years. He loves the breadth of learning that the Matterkind community offers and is focused on helping clients grow and succeed by engaging with their audiences. Akshat thinks coworkers would describe him as a “Jolly-Good-Fellow,” (which we love!). If Akshat ever writes an autobiography, he will title it Order in Chaos.

We believe we are so much more than the sum of our parts and believe in the strengths of each individual and every team. Our culture is built on lifting each other up, caring for our communities, and making a positive impact. Interested in joining our collaborative environment? Check out our open positions now.

The travel and hospitality industry has seen dramatic changes in the last few years that impact how and when people interact with brands. Historically, the industry has leaned on traditional marketing channels like print publications, linear TV, and radio to reach current and prospective customers. But that marketing strategy is less measurable and requires audiences to move to a separate channel for further research and consideration, often resulting in lower engagement rates and minimal attribution.

With the convergence of TV, digital and other channels—not to mention the rising customer desire for a seamless experience—marketers are under enormous pressure to meet customer demands, stretch every dollar, and justify marketing investments. Many brands are incorporating more data-driven channels like digital display and search into their marketing mix where new opportunities for addressability and outcome-based performance marketing programs are emerging. This next generation of the AdTech ecosystem presents more options for creating integrated experiences, especially for those brands looking to reach audiences at scale and achieve less-risky, measurable returns on marketing investments.

One example is the use of QR codes and CTV. Matterkind recently worked with a client in the travel industry to employ a campaign using unique QR codes displayed on CTV ads to provide a more streamlined jump to mobile. After scanning the QR code on a mobile device, the person is taken to a webpage with more information, where interest can convert to a booking. In that same 30-second spot, viewers were able to engage directly with the creative, providing an aesthetic travel experience they’d been longing for after two years of no travel. By creating a truly integrated, engaging experience with the ads they were watching, viewers got much more than they would’ve from watching a commercial on linear TV. This strategy positioned our client to be a better resource in the search for vacation options.

Extending the use of these emerging capabilities, additional work with this client helped to combine typically distinct channels to optimize outcomes and lower costs. By integrating data across two different teams, addressable and SEM, we were able to drive a more holistic and efficient campaign. We identified placements that would drive the most bookings across those teams and executed a low-risk, fixed-cost-per-booking model. This increased bookings more than 20%! The approach created a more robust ROAS, because the client paid a single CPA instead of a separate CPM for display and CPC for search. It also deduped for the overlap between partners in the same channel, allowing the client to re-invest the otherwise wasted advertising dollars to realize even more bookings.

Our client was able to see that our unique, integrated approach was really working for them and offered a high return on ad spend. By diversifying strategies and streamlining the viewer experience, we were able to act strategically to drive bookings and prevent any wasted marketing investment. At a time when travel and vacation plans seemed to change based on the news cycle, these more predictable approaches to customer engagement brought in more bookings at a lower rate.

To learn a few more ways marketers can take advantage of these new outcome-based trends and techniques, click here to get a copy of our Six Outcomes of A New Generation of Performance Marketing POV paper.

As we approach the two-year anniversary of working remotely, I find it increasingly difficult to remember the routine of my days before the pandemic. Back then, a 40-minute train ride marked the line between online/offline hours, and there was a clear, physical separation of office and home. I had two versions of myself—the “Work Larene,” and the “Mom/Home Larene.” When I was in the office, I could 100% be “Work Larene.” I could focus solely on the business and tasks at hand, with the exception of your typical distractions from the hustle and buzz of the office. I didn’t have to think about the laundry, the grocery shopping, or who was doing school pick-up. That was all for “Home Larene” to figure out later.

I was nine months pregnant and waddling around the office right before we started remote work. It wasn’t much of a secret that I was a mom, but it was pretty easy to keep my work and mom life happenings separate (I had my baby just three weeks into the first lockdown March 2020, but that experience is another story itself). With this new reality of my home and office being one, the definitive lines of “Work Larene” and “Home Larene” no longer existed. But it was only going to be temporary until I returned from maternity leave…right?


I did not anticipate returning to work later that year virtually. Returning to work after maternity leave is already challenging, and even though this was my second time around, coming back in this capacity brought on a flock of new feelings and emotions.


For me, being behind a screen wasn’t a shield I could hide behind, but instead a door that opened up into my inner life. I had to show up as my whole person everyday rather than having a “Work” and “Home” self. How could I possibly manage back-to-back meetings with a crying infant, a toddler, and a new puppy, all in the background of my video calls?


I eventually learned that these things weren’t something I had to be ashamed of. My colleagues were more empathetic than I presumed and were likely dealing with their own version of #momfails. My coworkers, both men and women alike, had their own lines between “work self” and “home self” blurred and were experiencing some of the same challenges. I feel fortunate to work at a company that embraces my whole person and knows sometimes a dog might jump on my lap in the middle of a conference call.


Once I was able to come to terms with this idea of being my whole self, the new hybrid workplace provided a great opportunity for significant time re-allocation. I was able to take multi-tasking to a whole new level and throw a load of laundry in during my lunch hour while also sneaking in a quick hug from my son. If I’m being fully honest though, there was a lot of guilt for a while (mostly self-inflicted), for not being in the physical office. Worried thoughts race through my head about being on a “mommy track” career path, but I’ve come to realize that I am extremely grateful to be part of an inclusive culture. Women, men, and other caregivers in my company, are given the space to excel and thrive. This new ‘workplace’ gives me the flexibility to decide what is best for my family, my life, and my career. I recently listened to an International Women’s Day panel, and something mentioned there really resonated with me—that in this new hybrid normal, the office can be thought of as a resource, rather than a requirement.

Whether you speak to one of my colleagues, a friend of mine, or my parents, they’d likely say the same thing: She’s always saying “Sorry.” Heck, even if you bump into me, you’ll probably still get an apology. And no matter how many times I’m told, or how many times I walk past a hardcover copy of Rachel Hollis’ Girl, Stop Apologizing in Target, it will be a while before I’m able to stop. Somehow, it’s become one of the few things I’m not sorry for… because I’m working on it.

My fear of confrontation and conflict has masqueraded itself as an extra layer of politeness. The irrational fear of being called out as unknowledgeable, bothersome, or just downright annoying in past roles paralyzed me from effectively communicating my needs. I thought it would magically end after high school, but it simply fed on my anxiety and transported into the workforce with me. I had psyched myself out or hyped myself up to ask the simplest questions, hoping to save myself an hour or two of Googling feverishly for answers. Most of the time, I came out of these situations unscathed, scolding myself for even hesitating in the first place. However, occasionally, I had been met with frustration or condescension that could easily unravel months of progress and send me back to my island of solitude.

I can address a full theatre any day of the week without batting an eye—but put me in a room of four people that I work with, and I’m shaking in my sneakers. Why? I can’t see individual faces in that dark auditorium. There are no individual reactions for me to watch judge my words as they fall out, leaving me scrambling to pick them up off the floor. But in a room of my colleagues? Nah. I can feel the water start to fill my eyes, and the sweat start to curl around my freshly pressed hair.

While the pandemic carried so many negative feelings, I remember feeling one sliver of positivity when we were told we were going remote for the time being: All of my interactions were going to be virtual. While some find the disconnection from being in-person isolating, I find relief and room to breathe. If I have a question, I can use email or chat boxes and then switch tabs back to my work projects, no longer nervously standing beside someone’s desk for an answer. If I present to a group, I can just look at my presentation and no one else! And if I have a rough time and get nervous, no one can see me [literally] sweat. And all the while, I’m unconsciously building a rapport with my colleagues as someone confident, eager, and get this: Knows when to ask questions. I’ve realized I can take pride in being a student of my profession. I can let the secret out that I’m still learning and enjoying every moment of it. I can love my career and be good at it without having it all figured out. And most importantly, I can do all these things without being considered unknowledgeable, bothersome, or downright annoying.

It took me years to realize that the frustration or condescending manner I was afraid to receive wasn’t even about me. It took me years to realize that I am, in fact, not a failure, and just simply a human being who had some learning to do and some confidence to build early on in my career. It took witnessing other women navigate their first design job for me to realize that other people face the same fears.

As I grew my team, these realizations only strengthened who I could be to others as a manager and a colleague. I realize that I can combat every inhibition I’ve ever felt in a work interaction by reaching back and swinging the door behind me open, letting others in on the secret as well. I understand the impact of making a deliberate effort to make others comfortable in their learning experience. Every day I make a serious effort to let others know that no question is too small and that we’ve all been at the beginning of the journey before. And most importantly, I let others know that I’m still learning, too.